Originally published July 24, 2011 for The Gentleman Tramp

The Opening Brawl

The opening scene of Baz’s production (after the prologue) is so awful, so overdone, so pointlessly noisy I can barely watch it. It’s the film equivalent of an air horn blown in your ears. Zeffirelli understands that the scene is supposed to start with a nervous tension that devolves into violence and then finally all hell breaks lose. Point: ‘68

The Capulet Ball

Baz has got Mercutio in drag, Leo tripping on E, Des’re singing and the fish tank––the fish tank! Zeffirelli’s version does nothing wrong and is maybe even a little sweeter, but Baz really out did himself. Point: '96

The Balcony Scene

Again Zeffirelli executes perfectly, but making out in water is the best. Point: '96

Mercutio and Tybalt’s Death

Baz returns to his maudlin and overwrought ways. Not totally insufferable, but silly in its heavy-handed symbolism and nonsensical storytelling. Mercutio dies, cut to Juliet, cut to a game of vehicular chicken … what? Thank god for Leo as no one does unhinged despair quite like him. He has this guttural shriek that resonates like a baby’s cry. It makes any scene, no matter how overdone, kinda work. Zeffirelli takes his time, building the tension slowly. The sword play even stands the test of time. Mercutio and Tybault begin their fight as a friendly brawl, but as we all know how badly it’s going to end, it’s like watching children play on train tracks. Point: '68

The Double Suicide

Lurhmann’s histrionics somehow pay off at the end. Even though the Times was fairly on point in its description that the scene looked too “music video,” it was at least a beautiful one. At last, Luhrmann shuts up and shows a little restraint (relatively speaking). The clincher is having Juliet wake up and watch Romeo take the poison. He dies knowing she had lived. It’s a nice little bump of tragedy since we all know the end anyway. Also, a gunshot to the head is far more disturbing than a dagger. Point: ‘96

Costumes:

There were some wonderful sartorial moments in Luhrmann’s version. Leo still looks dreamy in his knight costume, but overall, Zeffirelli’s film wins––as it won the Oscar for best costume design. Those shapely leggings! Those hats! And the “A sail, a sail” scene where the nurse comes to find Romeo, may well be one of the greatest performances by a dress in the history of film. Point: '68

CHARACTERS

Lady Capulet

Diane Venora (1996 version) does a very bizarre thing. She plays Lady Capulet as two completely different people, one total farce, the other solemn and conservative. It’s confusing and overdone (noticing a theme here). Esmerelda Ruspoli is perfection––maleficent, beautiful and sad. Point: '68

Lord Capulet

No one can portray a sweaty old sleazy man like Baz can. Brooklyn born Paul Sorvino is a pompous, lovable monster. Point: '68

The Prince

The Prince is just about being badass and Vondee Curtis-Hall wins. Point: '96

The Nurse

This is a really hard one. Mirian Margolyes’ (an English actress) Latin infusion is wonderful, but Pat Heywood shows more what a sad and improvident character the Nurse is. Father Lawrence at least has a plot to hatch when he agrees to marry two children a day after they meet. The Nurse has no excuse, save for her ignorance, which Heywood makes much more believable. Point: '68

Tybalt

John Leguizamo versus Basil Exposition young Michael York … I love John and his Tybalt, but it is a little too one note. York plays him as the insecure douche that he is, instead of just a crazed lunatic. He delivers the line, “peace. I hate the word,” more as intimidation than a deep seeded ideological belief. Point: '68

Father Lawrence

Steven Spielberg called Pete Postlethwaite the best actor in the world. I concur. Point: '96

Mercutio

Mercutio, as a character, has always gotten on my nerves. I feel like his friends––save for Romeo––fear him more than they actually like his unhinged antics. That said, John McEnry is the superior actor, but Harold Perrineau is more fun and believable as lead troublemaker. I also like how Luhrmann doesn’t pussyfoot around Mercutio’s near psychotic-grade love and obsession with Romeo. And he looks great in drag. Point: '96

Romeo

Leonard v Leo … Leo simply is angst, tragedy and poetry. It percolates from some place deep in his bones. His Romeo isn’t young and foolish, but tortured. Now Leonard Whiting, he’s the classic Romeo, slightly dim and heartbreakingly adorable. Leo’s got that gangly, skinny boy body and Leonard has more of an athletic build, or more importantly, that epic bubble butt. They both have piercing, I-can-see-your-soul-eyes. This one is too close to call.

Juliet

Olivia Hussy wins the beauty competition hands down, but Claire Danes is the every girl. Maybe this is just me, but the story works best when the viewer falls in love with Romeo and empathizes with Juliet. Hussey does this with her vulnerability and innocence. Danes does it with her signature strong-on-the-inside, vulnerable-on-the-outside ethos. Again, too close to call.

In the end, 1968 wins by a hair, as it should.

WHICH 'ROMEO AND JULIET’ MOVIE ADAPTATION IS BETTER: 1968 OR 1996?